Brow furrowed in concentration, hunched over the keyboard, eyes following every movement on the screen, barely blinking. Deathly still apart from a flurry of furious fingers madly hammering keys. The figure suddenly ceases, thumps her fists onto the desk and exclaims: "Shitballs!" Who could this angry, studious yet foulmouthed character be, you may ask yourself. And what the hell are they doing that requires such fierce concentration. Sadly this would be me and you have just found me engrossed in a game of "Tetris Battle".
Based on the old Russian classic, the premise of Tetris Battle is to defeat your opponent by making as much lines as possible using the Tetrominoes which clogs up their screen with mostly useless grey blocks. You have 2 minutes to out-tetris your adversary and gain or lose stars for your effort which lead to you ranking up or down.
I have spent more time than I care to admit this past week on Tetris Battle. I can turn my tetrominoe 360 and back with my arrow keys in a nanosecond, I see possible and future line formations with startling clarity, to watch me play you would swear no one in the world could possibly be as quick as me or more likely you would stifle a yawn as you check whats on TV. It's very boring to watch someone play tetris. Yet all around the world there are fellow nimble fingered freaks with quicker moves and exotic names, going at it this very second. Gaining, losing ranks and yelling unashamedly at their unknowing foreign gamer counterparts behind the safety of their computer monitor.
Wait a second, you're thinking. Yelling? Who could get so worked up over a game which is after all supposed to be a fun pastime. Introducing nerdrage. This phenomena is no stranger to most gamers, certainly including myself. Symptoms include : unfeasible amounts of swearing; some going as far as to create entirely new ways of cursing, the stamping of feet or fists, shouting intelligibly at your innocent screen or family pet, turning your equipment's power off without following proper shutting down measures and in more extreme cases broken hardware, holes punched in the wall and maybe even broken digits.
As a long time player of popular MMO World of Warcraft (don't you roll your eyes at me, I can see you >:O) I've had my fair share of rage moments. Quitting a group in a huff, getting passionately involved in petty battleground squabbles and calling people's mothers names that would I would blush at in calmer moments.
(the message in the above image was sent to me after telling someone, sorry they couldn't join the raid as it was full)
But as I climb the ranks of Tetris Battle, my out pourings seem to be more frequent and intense. Even after a win I was outraged that my opponent was called "Ng". That's not a name, its a sound dammit. It has no vowels! You don't see me going around being called "hwkffp" do you. At 268 wins and god knows how many losses I have achieved the dizzying heights of rank 18 and man these fuckers are good. Its like they are divine entities sent by the Puzzle Gods to show off to us less gifted earthlings. Like they were born with the sole purpose of playing tetris. Their parents tied in an ultimate tetris worldwide tournament, passed down their Superior genes then the was were genetically modified to enhance their already extraordinary skills.
And how did I become to share the rank of these enigmatic beings? I play it safe. I thought I was fast but wow these guys fill a screen when I have the audacity to take a moment to blink. However this can sometimes work in my favor and with a few well timed lines I can "knock out" their screen, meaning they have reached the top and get to start again at the bottom however they can make as many lines as they want but they won't beat me if I have more knock outs. I have explored the realms of my own nerdrage, but I cannot bring myself to imagine theirs. I think if ears truly burned when a person was being talked about my head would be on fire. I will continue to bravely battle onwards, the underdog in a realm of genetically modified angel freaks, cussing and performing celebratory dances as I go until I reach the top. Or more likely become bored in a week and get obsessed with something else. Lets hope its not Starcraft
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